Working with doubt and grief

As a young nun I remember vividly Ajahn Sumedho exhorting us to questions what motivated us.  He would say that as a young monk himself he had thought, “If Ajahn Chah disrobes, if His Holiness the Dalai Lama runs away with a 16 year old American girl, would I still want to be a monk?”

It is an important question; what motivates us to do what we do and what sustains us in our efforts? Certainly any long-standing commitment to anything evokes similar questions.

I just saw on Facebook that Ajahn Kovida is leaving the community in November. I have known for a while that Ajahn Thitamedha is disrobing tomorrow. We were sisters in the same community for a very long time. In the last two years 5 senior nuns have either left the community or disrobed, 6 other monks and nuns from this community have expressed to me doubts about their ability to sustain the life within the community, particularly  following the events of the past 2 years.

This recent news hit hard, opening to a river of grief that has been taking a while to subside. Rather than go over the details and circumstances why so many are so disheartened, and what may be a way forward, I thought to explore ways of dealing with so much grief and doubt.

Doubt cannot be disallowed. It has to be allowed. If doubt is allowed, it can come into awareness, be known felt and seen for what it is. Once doubt is seen, then I can question if this doubt is a momentary arising related to the events around me, or is it if it is related to questions or concerns of more fundamental nature. When I ask questions like this, it requires having a relaxed attention on body awareness from which the answers can emerge. It requires bringing discernment to the process of doubt itself that examines the causes and the conditions that have given rise to doubt.  This process of discernment allows me to reexamine my motive without being invested in outcome. In order to sustain attention in this way, one has to be able to tolerate uncertainty. One has to be willing to let go of any identification or attachment with identity and see what emerges in the present as if for the first time.

Greif; there are moments of sadness, moments of tears and sometimes torrents. Again, it has to be allowed. There is the fear when one opens up to a river of grief that it will never end, that the tears will never stop. The fear that it “will never stop” is a fear that is based on the future. One has to remember that the present, what is, is worthy of attention. If there is fear, it needs to be accepted and allowed its place until it dissolves. Resistance is the greatest contributor to suffering. Pure pain has a cleanliness to it that is different from the torment of the suffering that we add on top of it. Torrents of grief require a relaxed body and connection with ease and abiding goodness to allow it to flow through. For me I go to the Rocks, ancient and magnificent Red Rocks that are 250,000,000 years old. Surrounded and held by something vast, grounded and responsive, the support is felt and from that letting go occurs. Grief moves through, body opens and relaxes and what needs to be felt is felt. Without resistance, and with time, healing occurs.

So my dear sisters, who move on, go well with your beautiful courageous hearts. May each of us in our own ways live with heart, with integrity and true to what is arising in the present moment. May this be the container for awakening.



In the Pali language May is known as Vesak. The full moon of Vesak is singularly the most significant Buddhist holiday of the year as it commemorates events of significance to Buddhists of all traditions: The birth, enlightenment (Nibbana), and the passing away (Parinibbana) of Siddhartha Gautama Buddha.

As we consider for a moment what this may mean for each of us in our lives, we are drawn into a contemplation of significance. The birth of the Siddhartha Gautama signals the potential for awakening. Buddha means “awakened one” and while it is the name ascribed to Siddhartha Gautama after his enlightenment, it connects us to the potential for being awake that is not bound in time and limited to the realization of one historical figure. When we celebrate the birth of the Buddha, we are recognizing the potential for liberation that each of us have inherently. It is within our capacity as human beings to realize. This is remarkable.

There are many elements of relevance in reflecting on the Buddha’s life story. How many of us hang out for “if only” scenarios when we think about all the things we need in order to feel happy, content and satisfied?  If only we had the new car, computer, loving relationship, job security, status, and respect from our family and peers or a new tattoo then…When we look at Prince Siddhartha Gautama,  he had about as much as anyone could hope for; a loving family talent, health, privilege, opportunity for studying, and he was heir to the throne. But when he encountered the universal predicament of old age, sickness and death that he had no power to rectify or to cure he was sobered into the recognition of the fragility of the human predicament and the relative insignificance of his privilege and power. The possibility of awakening was like a lightning bolt, energizing him and bringing perspective to what he had taken for granted- that his royal life was not the only form of nobility to pursue.  After letting go of roles, privilege and safety of his birth lineage, he embarked on a road of Noble lineage and his quest for enlightenment began.

We expect instant results and feel frustrated if they are not forth coming. Even for the Bodhisatta a long road of dedicated practice was required- a road that included the mastery of concentration with the accomplished teachers of the day followed by six years with the five ascetics practicing austerities before his Enlightenment. It takes ripening of conditions for insight to penetrate through the veils of delusion. Often patience and persistence are keys to sustaining the path. Yet it wasn’t just slogging through the hubris of the human predicament that won the day, but the finesse to ripen attention and to see things clearly.  It was the union of wisdom and compassion that opened his eyes to the ‘way things are.’

What can we learn from his enlightenment experience? It wasn’t the concentration per se, but the malleability that the concentration afforded that gave him the capacity to look into the vast sequence of past lives and see the cycle of suffering repeating again and again.

The hosts of Mara assaulting him after he had taken his seat and vowed not to move until either his blood dried up or he realized Nibbana seems particularly apropos. Firstly Mara sent his daughters in the form of voluptuous maidens to temp him. For a young man of a particular orientation, a voluptuous maiden would be tempting. But if we were to allow our imagination to roam and speculate what might it look like if the Bodhisatta had been born into a female body, what would the temptation of desire look like then? So as we consider the life story of the Buddha we also have to realize that everyone is not male and have the conditioning and frame of reference that he most likely would have had.

But the story is telling as the Buddha’s response to the temptation was to simply acknowledge, “I know you Mara.” Guilt wasn’t part of the program, neither was self development. What was needed was the ability to see desire as desire and allow attention to rest in the awareness itself, rather than absorb into the object. A simile that would illustrate this is the way the sky is not affected by the clouds that pass through.  As attention rests in awareness, vast as the sky, the thoughts and emotions that pass through awareness like the clouds come and go according to their own nature.

So Mara took his next tactic and sent the hosts of ill will to threaten the Buddha. Again for men, the way anger and ill will is expressed tends to be more physical than for women. But again, the Buddha offered the same response- knowing- rather than engaging in either battle or defense. Once again Mara was vanquished.

Lastly, Mara sent his hosts to instill doubt. I have always found this deeply intriguing. Who would have thought that the Bodhisatta had doubts? But who doesn’t have doubt? So the hosts of Mara asked, “Who do you think you are to be free? What right do you have to be liberated?” For so many of us the doubts we have about ourselves go to the marrow of being. We think we just aren’t good enough, can’t do it right and never will be able to. For some the doubt is even more fundamental, not feeling there is a right to exist. But even with these pernicious beliefs that can haunt us for a lifetime, it is noteworthy to see the Buddha’s response, “I know you Mara,” seeing doubt as doubt.

So the Buddha’s life story and enlightenment are not only accounts of one individual’s choice and the liberating results but give an indication of ways of directing attention ourselves so that we too can experience the freedom that comes with clear seeing and letting go. We don’t have to engage with all the thoughts and emotions that arise. We don’t need to gather up the positive ones and get rid of the negative ones. What is needed is the clarity to see them for what they are and see that they are not to be believed, followed or denied. The peace that comes from letting go, the peace that comes from not suffering is the liberation we all yearn for.

But it is also helpful to realize the supports that make this kind of realization possible. Keeping and maintaining the 5 precepts go a long way to clarifying where the edges are for skilful behaviors that keep one free from remorse. Generosity supports the heart opening to its own goodness. Spiritual community brings occasions together to share the teachings, practice and mirror each other’s goodness and aspiration when individually it is sometimes hard to remember. Together these support the awakening that the Buddha realized.

This is the time of year that the Buddha was born, realized enlightenment and passed into Parinibbana.  When we ask, ‘Where is the Buddha now?,  What are the conditions that support enlightenment now?’, we not only honor the historical Buddha who lived 2550 years ago, but make the reality of his life a contemporary exploration worthy of reflection and worthy of commemoration.

There has been enough information about the situation in the Forest Tradition for many people to seriously wonder, what is next? It seems to me that a new model is emerging or needs to. What the following article speaks to is the power of realizing our highest potential. Keeping this in mind, I trust new forms will emerge. Even though this article was written in 1998, its message is relevant now.

Ajahn Thanasanti

Women Acquiring the Essence

by Wendy Egyoku Nakao, July 10, 1998

I invite the women of our Sangha to gather and explore the practice and lineage of women. Here are a few thoughts to get us started.
Several years ago while I was visiting ZCLA, Nyogen Sensei asked me to give a talk about my experiences as a woman in practice. I had never talked about this before. During the talk, a young woman in the zendo began to cry. Every now and then I would glance her way and wonder what was happening: had she lost a child? Ended a relationship? She cried and cried. I wondered what was triggering these unstoppable tears?
The following day Nyogen Sensei mentioned to me that she was still crying, and he had gently asked her if she could tell him why. “It just had not occurred to me,” she said, “that a woman could be a Buddha.” A few years later when I met her again, the emotions of that moment suddenly surfaced. “I felt a powerful rush of energy, and I could not stop it,” she said when I asked her if she remembered that moment. “It was so organic, so natural. Something just opened up.”
So those tears were not of sorrow as I had assumed, but tears of discovery, of joy, and of empowerment. Still today I feel a stirring deep within myself when I remember that moment. I have come to recognize this stirring as the energy of the feminine, dormant for so long, reclaiming itself and flowing fiercely forth.
So when I reflect upon the practice of women, I begin by affirming the obvious. The obvious is that for an immeasurable, hundreds, thousands, ten thousands, millions, trillions of kalpas, women have practiced, manifested, realized, and accomplished the Buddha Way. Who are all these women whose names have been forgotten or left unsaid?
In growing up in the Japanese Soto Zen tradition, I have chanted daily the lineage of Patriarchs. During my Dharma transmission retreat, I bowed to the Patriarchs at least three times each day, all 81 of them. By the second day, when my teacher Roshi Glassman came to hold dokusan for me, I asked, “Where are the women?” The next day, I asked with more urgency, “Where are the women?!” And by the fourth day, it was “WHERE ARE THE WOMEN!”
As I began to explore my female Buddha ancestors, I sensed the lineage of women as a spiral, moving in wide, all-encompassing circles. I sensed, too, that in swallowing and promoting the male-dominated forms and milieu of my inherited tradition, I had concealed myself as a woman to myself and to other women. Here I was a woman stepping into the shoes of the patriarchs, so-to-speak. So where were the matriarchs? Where were the women to mentor me?
Women too often seem to find it necessary to whisper this concern (if they do so at all), almost as though to speak this issue out loud is to reveal a lack of understanding about the true dharma, among other things. In awakening to the wisdom of non-duality, do we not awaken to our fullness as human beings? The implications of this awakening have yet to manifest in the societies and environments in which Buddhism lives. Can we women trust ourselves to reveal the means that will illuminate this wisdom?
One day while flying across the country in the womb of a United jet, words about my female ancestors flowed forth. I offer a draft (without the footnotes) for your consideration, and I look forward to this exploration with the women of the sangha.
The Lineage of Women
(a working draft)
From ancient times, living female Buddhas have accomplished the Way. The spiritual attainment and practice of females have flowed in a continuous yet hidden stream to the present time.
All Buddhas pass through Prajnaparamita, the Mother of the Buddhas. From the blackness of her womb, Buddhas appear and disappear, sometimes as male, sometimes as female. The proclamation of the World-Honored One, Shakyamuni confirms women as Buddhas.
In the Lotus Sutra, the World-Honored One proclaimed the prophecy of the attainment of Buddhahood for the nun Mahaprajapati, the nun Yashodhara, and the 6,000 female disciples present. Upon hearing these prophecies, they said in the presence of the Buddha: “World-Honored One, we have heard these prophecies and our minds are peaceful and satisfied. ”
Among the early nuns we can also sing the names of Mitta, Tissa, Sumana, Upasama, Visakha, Khema, Uppalavanna, Sundari-Nanda, Vaddhesi, Patacara, Uttama, Bhadda-Kundalakesa, Nuanduttara, Dantika, Sakula, Siha, Dhammadina, Kisagotami, Vasetthi, Ubbiri, Patacara-Pancasasta, Isidasi, Bhadda-Kapilani, Mutta, Capa, Dhamma, Citta, Vimala, Addhakasi, Padumavati, Ambapali, Anopama, Abhirupa-Nanda, and Jenti.
The seven-year-old daughter of the dragon king Sagara achieved enlightenment in an instant. Of her attainment, Great Master Dogen said, “At the time a female became a Buddha, everything in the universe was completely understood. What person would hinder her from entering the restricted territories thinking that she had not truly come into this world? The merits of her attainment exist right now, illuminating the whole universe.”
Great Master Bodhidharma transmitted his marrow, skin, flesh, and bones to four disciples, three monks and a nun. Great Master Keizan transmitted the dharma to the nun Sonin. The nun Mo-shan, disciple of Kao-an Ta-yu, taught the monk Chih-hsien. The nun Miao-hsin, disciple of Hui-chi, enlightened seventeen monks. Iron Brush Liu and Kuei Shan played equally in the fields of joyous samadhi.
The World-Honored One also named laywomen among the four major practice groups. With the lion’s roar of a Buddha, laywoman Queen Srimala first taught the Buddhadharma to laywomen, then to her non-Buddhist husband, followed by laymen. An old woman helped to clarify the mind of Te-shan. Antoku Inden Kasho Myokei Zenni, the mother of Taizan Maezumi Honored One, bore seven sons who became monks and raised them in the pure Dharma realms. From ancient times, laywomen have accomplished the Way.
All the great masters know that paying homage to female adepts and females acquiring the essence is the living spirit of the ancient Buddhas. The lineage of the Matriarchs is to be revered. Now this lineage lives as you. Please cherish this forever.

When there is understanding of the way that patterns repeat through history then there the possibility of doing things differently. Without understanding patterns continue. Ajahn Sujato has tied together some interesting facts about  Buddha’s core principles, the premise behind the Bhikhuni ordination  with some myths about women and brought out the salient feature that what women really wants is sovereignty.

This is well worth the time to read.
Ajahn Thanasanti
–

The Irrational Desires of Women

http://sujato.wordpress.com/2010/01/04/the-irrational-desires-of-women

The following is copied verbatim from Bhante Sujato’s blog post http://sujato.wordpress.com/2009/11/30/sexism-andocentrism-misogyny/

In all of the years that I have lived in monasteries and the years before, I haven’t come across anything that is as clear or accurate a description of what we are dealing with as this piece on sexism, androcentrism and misogyny. True enough this is so direct that it may be hard to take and is without  evidence from a variety of  sources. However, from my experience it is unmistakably accurate.

This then begs the question, where do we go from here?

Ajahn Thanasanti

*************

Sexism, Andocentrism, Misogyny (reprinted from Sujato’s blog)

For this post I’d like to examine a little more closely some of the issue around the problem of discrimination against women in the Sangha. This is a hard topic, and there will be much inner resistance to accepting my conclusions here. All I can ask is that the reader be aware of their own responses, and to reflect that the writer, too, has dealt with similar responses over many years in working with these issues. For this piece, I will concentrate on the ‘normal’ form of sexism, where it is men who discriminate against women.

Sexism

First up, what is ‘sexism’? I would give the following definition: sexism is irrelevant or disproportional discrimination against a person based on their gender. Sexism is by definition wrong, since it harms women by depriving them of their full humanity. In a more subtle sense, sexism harms men too, since men’s sense of security is maintained by harming the ones they love.

To illustrate. The Buddha said that one should not judge a person by whatever caste they belong to: whether khattiya, brahman, vessa, or sudda, a person should be judged by their deeds, not by their birth. In the same way, one should not judge or discriminate against a person simply because of their gender. As bhikkhuni Somā said: ‘Anything who thinks “I am a man”, or “I am a woman”, or “I am anything at all” is fit for Māra to address.’ (Samyutta Nikaya 5.2). In the early Buddhist scriptures it is Māra who espouses sexist views, not the Buddha.

There are certain cases where it is quite proper to discriminate. For example, it is a valid question to ask whether a pregnant woman should receive maternity leave from her work. The same question could not be asked of a man. Of course, a man might receive paternity leave, but that is a different matter. In such a case, to grant maternity leave to pregnant women would be discrimination based on relevant grounds and would not be unethical.

There would still remain the question of proportionality. How much leave, and under what conditions? There is no clear cut answer to this. However, anyone would agree that one day is too little, while forty years would be too much. These options, while relevant discrimination, would be rejected as being disproportional.

In this sense, the structural position of the Theravadin Sangha is clearly sexist. There is no relevant grounds for discrimination. The Buddha, and the entire tradition, asserts that women are equally capable of living the holy life and reaping the fruits. Nor is there any proportion in the Sangha’s response. The details of legal procedures, the reluctance to change traditions, are no adequate grounds on which to deny women their capacity to fully live the spiritual life if they so choose.

I would like to make a further distinction. Sexism may be divided into two aspects: andocentrism and misogyny.

Andocentrism

Andocentrism is seeing things from a male point of view. Our language embodies this, for example, when we use ‘he’ or ‘man’ to refer to all people, not noticing how this excludes and marginalizes women. Andocentric culture treats the male as the default gender, and woman is the ‘other’. In an andocentric system, women are excluded from resources, education, opportunities that are routinely available to men. This may happen simply through social conditioning, or it may have to be reinforced by rules and laws.

We often judge how andocentric an institution is by what percentage of women are involved, and what positions they reach. By this standard, the modern Theravada Sangha is one of the most absolute forms of andocentrism ever achieved, with a complete denial of women’s involvement at any level.

Since andocentrism is essentially a social construct, it must be changed through social means. This social change will, in the first instance, be driven by those who suffer most from sexism, that is, the women. Like Mahapajapati, who disobeyed the Buddha’s instructions, repeatedly ignored his advice, and dressed in the ochre robes without an ordination, women will have to disobey the patriarchs if they expect to achieve change. Successful change will, however, also need the help of the patriarchs themselves, in this case the monks.

I would suggest that there are three essential things that the monks must do. First, admit that sexism exists and that it is wrong. Second, work energetically to overcome sexism. Third, to listen and respond to the voices of women. This is, I think, all it takes. It is not impossible. It does not involve any complex moral issues or radical new innovations. It just requires the application of some good moral sense to address an obvious and harmful injustice in the world.

Misogyny

Whereas andocentrism is primarily a social phenomenon, and is defined by the absence of women, misogyny is a psychological phenomenon, defined by the presence of hatred against women. Misogyny is a neurosis, a deeply held pattern of irrational fear and loathing against women. Typically it develops in response to trauma involving a woman, either in infancy or, from a Buddhist perspective, in past lives. The trauma may be the result of the evil acts of a woman, for example if a mother abuses her son, or the woman may be entirely innocent, for example if a son conceives a jealous hatred of a newly-born sister.

The essential characteristic of misogyny is that it takes the perceived faults and the evil of one woman and projects that on all women. Of course, we all do this; projection is a simple fact of human psychology. We have all had good and bad experiences of men and women, and these condition our future expectations and thoughts of other men and women. This is normal; but when the pattern becomes fixed and extreme, and when it results in harmful patterns of behaviour, then it is appropriate to treat it as a neurosis. Since we experience the opposite gender as ‘other’, projection plays a particularly potent role in inter-gender relations.

This kind of tendency is found through the Buddhist literature, for example the Jātaka stories. Whenever a man does something bad, or a woman does something good, that man or that woman is praised or blamed accordingly. But when a woman does something ‘bad’ (even when it is the man who has acted immorally) then ‘womankind’ is blamed. The Jātaka stories, and other forms of popular Buddhist literature, are replete with misogyny. It is frankly impossible that these attitudes should simply disappear from Buddhist culture, which prides itself on its continuity with tradition.

A man who is suffering from misogyny is cut off and alienated from a part of himself. He cannot accept the feminine, and denies and represses this aspect of himself. This affirms a basic tenet of Buddhist ethics: since all beings are equally deserving of respect, when any person harms or diminishes any being they also harm themselves.

Misogyny is a subtle and elusive thing. Our society no longer tolerates open expressions of misogyny, and so it tends to go underground. One can hear it in the relaxed, private ‘boy’s talk’, but it rarely emerges in the sphere of public discourse. And of course, the misogynist is the last person to see their own prejudice.

Nevertheless, I think it is clear enough that a certain percentage of men are misogynist in the sense I have described. And of those men, a certain percentage will enter the Sangha. It is only natural that a misogynist will seek to enter a context where his exclusive valorization of the masculine is supported, where he need rarely encounter women, and when he does encounter women they are contained within a hierarchy that subordinates them, gives them no power, lets him dismiss their voices, and exalts him as a being of superior spiritual status.

It may come as a shock to hear that some Sangha members are of questionable mental balance. Nevertheless, it is really quite obvious. Here I will speak only of the Western Sangha. In traditional Buddhist lands, there is a strong cultural support for men who wish to join the Sangha. Hence, in my experience, there is no particular tendency for the monks to be either personally misogynist, or to have any other mental problems more than is normal. In Western Buddhism, however, most people are drawn to it only after experiencing deep trauma. In any Western Buddhist center, you will find a large number of people who have had, or are having, severe psychological difficulties. That is why they come.

And for those who wish to join the Sangha this is even more noticeable. I would guess that more than half of those who are interested to join the monastic Sangha, in my experience, have some kind of clinical level psychological or personality disorder. Many of these disorders make it difficult to live the holy life: schizophrenia, depression, anxiety. People with such problems tend to not last in the Sangha.

But there are certain kinds of disorders that are positively nurtured by the monastic environment, in particular narcissism and misogyny. As far as narcissism goes, the history of Western Buddhism is littered with the trainwrecks of unrestrained guru-worship. Misogyny has not been so obvious, as it has been sheltered by the assumed legitimacy of the andocentric Sangha structures.

It should be clear enough that misogynists would normally be drawn to andocentric institutions like the Sangha. They would tend to reinforce the bias that is already present, to make it more extreme, and to actively, if unconsciously, seek to harm women through their position. In return, we would expect that the andocentric institution would tend to reinforce misogyny, justifying it, activating latent misogyny, offering role models and the bonding that comes in a boy’s club, and turning a man’s basest instincts into an exalted spiritual value.

Nevertheless, this might not always happen. The personal problem of misogyny and the institutional problem of andocentrism are relatively independent. It is possible, for example, to have an andocentric institution that does not contain any misogynists, or to have a misogynist who is independent of any institution. When a misogynist does join the institution, it may result in a variety of effects.

For example, more blatant displays of misogyny might alert the other members of the institution; they might be personally disgusted, and this might bring them to reflect of the role that they are playing within the institution, and to want to do something about it. I know this happens: it is what happened to me.

On the other hand, a misogynist might join the Sangha. On the surface they embrace the values of the Sangha and are practising for liberation; underneath they are fearful and damaged, needing a place to hide from women. But healing takes place, sometimes time is all that’s needed. The isolation and protection from women might actually be beneficial for someone who is genuinely unable to cope. After a while, they develop more stability and confidence. The original unconscious motivation for ordination has died away, and they might disrobe, get married, and enjoy a healthy normal relationship with women, which was not possible for them before joining the Sangha.

The crux of the problem comes when the andocentric institution and the misogynist ally forces. This occurs especially when the misogynist comes into a position of power. Of course, this is exactly what they want. They can build up the walls, continually reinforce the separation from women, and help condition new generations of monks to affirm and perpetuate the old patterns. In the long term, all this will not help the misogynist at all. They are simply exaggerating their original problem, and when the day comes that the walls tumble down, they will crash all the harder.

The problem here lies not with the individual, but with the Sangha. Since the Sangha as an institution is still in denial over the problem of sexism, it refuses to recognize misogyny, and is quite happy to place misogynists in positions of power. Once there, the ‘normal’ institutional practice of simply ignoring, marginalizing, and excluding women will extend to an active suppression.

One problem that arises here is that there have to be women present to fulfil the misogynist fantasy. Women must be attracted to the monasteries, gratified and supported, so that they can stay and be abused. If there are no women in the monasteries, how can they be kept in the kitchen? This is a translation into a spiritual setting of the same dynamic that perpetuates abusive marriages.

The Future

The problems that I am bringing to the fore in this essay are painful and uncomfortable ones. They are not easy to accept, even though they are really quite straightforward. I have struggled with these issues for many years, and am grateful that the current bhikkhuni controversy has cleared the air, making me feel that I can speak openly about issues of such grave importance.

The facts are undeniable. The modern Theravadin Sangha is an absolutist form of andocentric institution. The Buddhist tradition, for example the Jātaka stories, contain abundant misogyny. These tendencies will continue until there is an active effort to overcome them. When we see within the Sangha a consistent deconstruction of these forms of sexism; a recognition of the value of women’s voices in shaping our future; and an active effort to dismantle and reshape the modern forms of the Sangha institutions, relying on the egalitarian model of the Vinaya; then we will have reason to believe that things may change.

Until that time, we can expect that good men and women all over the world will turn away from Buddhism, be disillusioned with the Sangha, and doubt the value of Dhamma practice. As the Buddha said to the Kalamas: ‘You are doubting in a doubtful matter’.

Dear friends,
Thanissara just sent me this letter. Having known her as a nun at Amaravati and having just come out of the community from which these events have been occurring, I would encourage you to read the letter below and sign the petition if you too are concerned and agree with the points.
Metta,
Ajahn Thanasanti

Dear friends,
I invite you to consider signing this petition http://new.ipetitions.com/petition/bhikkhuni-ordination/
You will see that it is an expression of concern and disagreement in view of:
the lack of acknowledgment regards the legitimacy of the recent Perth Bhikkhuni ordinations undertaken by Ajahn Brahm by the Forest Sangha elders
Ajahn Brahm’s consequent expulsion and the delisting of Wat Bodinyana from the lineage of Ajahn Chah
the un-negotiated 5 point agreement placed upon the nuns at Chithurst and Amaravati monasteries by the UK male elder council. The UK nuns signed under pressure, in an atmosphere of secrecy, having been made clear to them that no further ordinations would happen without their consent to these five points (which mirror the garudhammas but go further in disallowing them from seeking Bhikkhuni ordination)
This is challenging territory. In the transmission of the Buddhadhamma in the West, in which the monastic community plays a vital role, a culture of dissent is not usually encouraged, or necessarily seen as conducive for practice. However there are moments when right speech is not silence, but is challenge and a respectful invitation into dialogue. I believe in the light of these recent events, this is such a moment.

Over 30 years, inspired by meeting Ajahn Chah in the UK in 1977, and consequently visiting Ajahn Chah’s first Western nun Kum fa at Wat Nanachat; further since ordaining as one of the first four nuns in the UK in 1979, I have been party to both the extraordinary blessings of the dharma transmission of this lineage, but also very sadly, the painful and complex ambivalence regards the placement of nuns within this same order. This has had repercussions for women lay practitioners as well as implications for the wider community.

With the recent events mentioned above, I believe we have reached a possible ‘zeitgeist’ moment when much that has been held in the shadows can come to light. At the very least, a positive outcome of this petition and further letters to the Western elder council would be an open space for considered, wise and compassionate dialogue within the four fold sangha regards the issues contained within the petition.

Thank you for your kind attention
in dhamma
Thanissara
www.dharmagiri.org

This site on Face Book ‘Women & The Forest Sangha’ has relevent links to all sides of the discussion posted on its Discussion Board.
http://tinyurl.com/yzdukao

Points of Clarification:

There are times in life when the situations one finds oneself in present challenges that do not have simple solutions.  When what one has been familiar with suddenly becomes non-existent, the challenge in practice is to accept things the way they are and find an appropriate response.  Often there can be an overlay of the “way it use to be” and “should be” obscuring what is.  It is the meditator’s way to recognize such obstacles for what they are and return to what actually is and knowing how one can respond that leads to balance and well-being.

I came to Colorado mid July to attend to my father who had been ill, and with the aspiration to see the vision behind the Awakening Truth project become a reality.  Recently my father became gravely ill and over a ten day period was hospitalized, had surgery, and lost 20 pounds.  He pulled through and is now at a rehabilitation facility slowly regaining strength and determined to get home.  Attending to his illness, the changes in the past months and finding my way in a very different living situation, I too have  become unwell and in need of rest so that I can continue providing support for my family and developing Awakening Truth.

In the Theravadan Buddhist tradition, nuns and monks do not store or prepare food.  Most often they live in a monastery where they balance daily work taking care of dwellings, providing teaching and other services for the community with time for personal study and meditation practice in accordance with the Buddha’s instructions for monastic life.  The life of an alms mendicant is dependent upon a supportive community for daily needs, such as food, clothing, shelter, and medicine. This relationship between the lay and monastic communities has existed for thousands of years. For the past 20 years I have lived as an alms mendicant, living on faith and dependent upon others for all basic needs.  In doing so I have come to see the goodness in others this lifestyle brings forth, and have come to know a strength and fortitude within myself that I never imagined possible.  For a training monastery these are important qualities for both the lay and monastic community to cultivate.  One criterion for a suitable location for a training monastery is whether or not there is a sufficient cohesive community to offer this kind of support.

Until such conditions arise, I am finding innovative ways of supporting my daily needs.  A very small cottage has become available to me for the next six months where I will be able to live while attending to family and continuing cultivating Awakening Truth.  While I do not plan to stop teaching entirely, I will slow down and take care of myself so that I can regain health.  People in Colorado Springs who wish to provide meals may support in one of several ways:  bringing a meal, picking up food from Curry Leaf downtown (a restaurant that has offered to provide meals a few days each week) and bringing it, or bring dry goods for me to prepare when meals are not offered. For people out of town: Suzanne has names, menus, or websites of few local restaurants that will deliver meals.

There will soon be an online calendar to help coordinate.

Dipa Ma, The Story of a Great Master

March 25, 1911 – September 1, 1989

I first heard about Dipa Ma in 1979 while I was a student at the University of California at Santa Cruz.  I was taking a course with Jack Engler and the stories he told about Dipa Ma’s depth of suffering and level of transformation after she began meditating left a deep impression in me.  I had a deep and strong aspiration to meet her and I did.  In honor of the anniversary of her death and in celebration of her life, may I recount some of what I have learned about this remarkable woman and how she touched my life.

Dipa Ma was born in Bangladesh on March 25, 1911 with the given name Nani Bala Barua.  According to the customs of the time Dipa was married at the age of twelve to Ranjani Ranjan.  One week after she was married Ranjani went to Rangoon where he worked as an engineer, leaving Dipa alone to live with his family.  At the age of fourteen she joined her husband in Burma.  Dipa was unable to have children, which naturally is a source of deep sorrow for any married woman, but for a married woman in the Far East it was a family catastrophe.  As a result Ranjani’s family summoned him home under false pretenses and tried to convince him to abandon his wife for another who could bear him a child.  Ranjani refused stating he had not married Dipa for her ability to have children.  As life is often stranger than fiction, a child was born to Dipa and Ranjani many years later and her status shifted from person-non-grata to being a mother.  Then, tragically, the child died.  The combined grief of the death of her child and loss of status caused Dipa to collapse.   She survived and some years later another child was born who was named Dipa – Dipa Ma literally means Dipa’s mother.  A third child was born but died as well.  Ranjani was a kind, attentive and loving man but the increased need to care for Dipa and Dipa Ma took its toll on his health and he collapsed and died suddenly in 1957.  Within a ten year period Dipa Ma had experienced the death of two children, the death of her husband, and a severe decline in her own health.

Dipa Ma had grown up with an unusual and intense interest in the rituals and care of the monks.  She had joined her grandmother’s regular trips to the monastery offering food to the monks and felt a keen interest in meditation.  When married she would ask for permission to go to the monastery to learn meditation and was told no, it was not the right time.  After her husband died, with poor health and a broken spirit she found her way to the meditation center in Rangoon.  So much loss in her life and now told by doctors there was nothing more they could do to help her physical being get well, she literally crawled up the steps on her hands and knees to the front doors of the meditation center and began her journey.

Her meditation practice progressed very rapidly, leading to profound realization – a realization that knows the end of suffering, where the traces of ill will and unwholesome desire are uprooted from the mind.  In a very short time she emerged from being a sickly, broken, dependent woman to one who was radiant, peaceful, calm, independent, deeply loving and available to others.

These are the stories Jack told as I sat in his class so many years ago.  Being deeply moved I went to India in 1987 to the Maha Bodhi society in Calcutta where I thought I might find Dipa Ma.  I walked into the meditation hall where monks where sitting on a platform chanting and there was this tiny woman with her back emanating a remarkable energy – it felt as if I was being embraced by the power of love.  I thought:  “Who on earth is that?”  I had met Dipa Ma.

In the afternoons a few of us who had become friends and were all staying in the Maha Bodhi Society walked across the town to her tiny apartment.  After a time of meditation she would get Dipa to translate questions for her and we would sit quietly listening.  When we left, she would give each of us a hug, blow over our heads and say something.  I never knew what she was saying but the feeling was of a deep blessing.

The stories I had heard from Jack spoke of remarkable things.  Dipa Ma could be in two places at once and walk through walls.  She could remember past lives and go back to the time of the Buddha and listen to what he was saying.  She could travel into the future and hear what was being said and visit the different realms of existence.  And more, these abilities were scientifically verified.  I had grown up perceiving a woman’s power in one who would be jumping into a pick up truck with a chain saw.  But the quality of power that was Dipa Ma was love.  It felt as if I was in a vast ocean, still, timeless, penetrating – as if she could see me clearly and nothing was excluded or judged.  Every part of me felt embraced and accepted.  Nothing I had experienced had touched me like that before.

I went to Amaravati Buddhist Monastery in England and later became a nun –

Dipa Ma died in September 1989.  In memorial I planted an oak tree in the Buddha Grove at Amaravati in 1990.  A simple tree with no reference to the person it was planted for nor did I tell anyone.  As a young nun I would put Dip Ma’s picture in the tree and chant, and do walking meditation towards it and around it.  In the early rough years of being a nun I found solace in being close to that tree.

I was away from Amaravati from 2000 – 2005 and when I returned I could not remember exactly which tree was Dip Ma’s – so many trees had been planted there.  I recalled after the first few years of planting her tree, it took on a very loving energy.  When I returned to Amaravati looking for her tree, I walk from tree to tree putting my back against the bark of each until I came to that loving energy.  It felt like I was standing under a waterfall of cascading love.  But what flabbergasted me was while talking with a friend who had been coming to Amaravati for nearly twenty years, she was telling me about the “Mother Tree” in the Buddha Grove.  When I asked where, she described  Dipa Ma’s tree.  It had been my friend’s own discovery.  Now the tree is marked and there are pictures of the tree, a bridge later built in Dipa Ma’s honor at Chithurst with its sign:  “To honor Dipa Ma is to walk the path of peace”.

• Have you met someone who has touched your core with love and changed your life?
• Has suffering been  a gateway for you? In what way?
• If suffering hasn’t been a gateway, what have been your gateways?

Dipa Ma:  Web site: http://www.dipama.com

Facebook group: http://alurl.com/kwwg

Books: Dipa Ma:  the Life and Legacy of a Buddhist Master, Amy Schmidt

Knee Deep in Grace, Amy Schmidt

Visits our photo gallery to see photos of Dipa Ma.

The Kalama sutta is often cited as the Buddhist charter for free inquiry. Countering dogmatism and supporting free inquiry is a refreshing contrast to the doctrines that stipulate that tradition, scripture, or the advice from teachers is what one needs to rely upon. This refreshing contrast is particularly apparent when what is being asked requires forsaking intelligence or integrity. The phrase that is often sited and indeed is cited on the home page of the Awakening Truth website is as follows:

‘Don’t go by reports, by legends, by traditions, by scripture, by logical conjecture, by inference, by analogies, by agreement through pondering views, by probability, or by the thought, “This contemplative is our teacher.” When you know for yourselves that, “These qualities are unskillful; these qualities are blameworthy; these qualities are criticized by the wise; these qualities, when adopted & carried out, lead to harm & to suffering” — then you should abandon them…..

…..(And) when you know for yourselves that, ‘These qualities are skillful; these qualities are blameless; these qualities are praised by the wise; these qualities, when adopted & carried out, lead to welfare & to happiness’ — then you should enter & remain in them.’

Kalama Sutta
Translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu

Sometimes the Kalama Sutta is taken out of context and used not only to support free inquiry but also to justify a carte-blanch endorsement of a rejection of tradition, scripture, or the advice from teachers. In other words doing whatever you think is right without any reference to moral values or Right View. Is this what the Buddha intended to convey?

Everything the Buddha is reported to have said took place in a particular historical time, with a particular group of people and their own specific questions they were trying to resolve. In this context one can see that the Kalamas were a group of people who didn’t yet have direct experience of the Buddha or faith in his dispensation. They were confused by the various teachers that were pontificating upon their own doctrine while tearing apart the other teacher’s doctrines. They were confused about rebirth and the karmic consequences that occurred from wholesome or unwholesome actions. In this context the Buddha began teaching the people that under the circumstances “it is right for you to doubt,” an assurance that supports free inquiry.

To encourage people, “When you yourselves know: ‘These things are bad, …undertaken and observed, these things lead to harm and ill,’ abandon them… When you yourselves know: ‘These things are good, praised by the wise; undertaken and observed, these things lead to benefit and happiness,’ enter on and abide in them.” presupposes a sensitivity and commitment to moral integrity.

It is not an encouragement to do whatever one wants, nor is it an encouragement to disregard tradition, scriptures, or one’s teacher’s advice, for the Kalama sutta rests in the specific context of the Buddha’s teachings. It is just saying that when one knows for oneself what is a course of action in a particular situation that is congruent with what the wise would recommend, then do that.

So the next obvious question is how does one know?

Again, going back to the sutta one can see that the Buddha’s teaching to the Kalamas answers the question. Greed, hatred, and delusion, being conducive to causing harm and suffering to oneself and others, are to be abandoned. Boundless loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity (The Four Divine Abodes) being conducive to well-being and happiness for oneself and others should be developed.

My friend Bhanuka told me a story that is a good example. Her mother was in her nineties and suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. After her father had died Bhanuka took her mother to Hawaii to live with her sister and her sister’s family, in accordance with her wishes. When it became apparent that she may not live long, or that soon she would not recognize her own daughters, Bhanuka decided to spend Christmas holiday in Kailua with her family.

The journey began three days before Christmas at Logan airport in Boston, Massachusetts very early in the morning. Sitting in the departure area with many people who were also taking the 747 jet to St. Louis, Missouri for connecting flights to other holiday places, came the announcement that the plane had problems and would be delayed while necessary parts were flown in from New York. After an hour delay sitting in the departure area then an hour sitting on the plane on the runway, they were off to St. Louis.

Many of the travelers had spent a lot of money for accommodations on the Islands and were quite upset they would miss the connecting flight. The pilot reassured everyone he had contacted the St. Louis airport advising them this flight was on its way. They arrived in St. Louis and everyone on the plane had missed their connecting flights – the tickets had been sold to standby travelers. Bhanuka’s luggage went to Honolulu and she took her place in a very long line of very angry people waiting for airport staff to rebook flights. People going to Honolulu were yelling, pushing and shoving each other to get ahead in the line. Standing there in line amongst all that ill will, she went to the space around the whole situation, something she was familiar with from her meditation practice.

Just being there, unconcerned with her own plight, she became aware of a young man behind her and started a friendly conversation with him. He was on break from college in Massachusetts and trying to get home to Texas to spend the holidays with his family. When she came to the head of the line she just let him go ahead of her. Apparently a man at a desk charged with rebooking flights observed this, caught Bhanuka’s attention and motioned for her to come to his desk. He spent the next several hours taking care of her: he called Bhanuka’s family to let them know so her mother would not fear she had died in a plane crash, he booked her onto a flight to Los Angeles first class then on to Honolulu the following morning, arranged a room for the night at a hotel the airline used, gave her a voucher for a meal that night and breakfast in the morning, and put her on airline van to go to the hotel and then back to the airport the following morning. There were other delays, but she got to Honolulu Christmas eve and spent the holidays with her family. It was the last time she saw her mother.

Our own personal stories can illuminate principles beautifully.

What is being suggested is not a simple matter. Understanding the forces of anger and greed and transforming them into kindness and compassion requires stabilizing oneself in an understanding that is based on a profound realization. Is it relevant then to ask if the commitment to free inquiry is a commitment to profound realization?

What are the sign post you use to determine if something is harmful, or harmless?
Can you recognize in yourself when greed, hatred and delusion are present?
Can you recognize in yourself when greed, hatred and delusion are absent?

We live in a time where we have little faith. Our leaders have spent too long saying things that are untrue; using distortions to promote the privilege of some at the expense of others; promoting policy that makes no sense. Discernment has seen this for what it is. We have listened to rhetoric and party lines, hearts numbed and despairing. For many it has seemed like this is the way it is and the way it is going to be.

What happens when there is a leader who speaks in language that resonates? What happens when what is being said is congruent with values that are held as true? What happens when there is an ability to name dishonesty, and greed for what it is and say that to hold the safety of a society above its core values is to be taken as false? What happens when there is both the willingness and strategies that may begin to address the global and social issues at hand?

I am told two billion people watched the inauguration of President Barack Obama, bringing this Presidential election into the world stage in an unprecedented way.

Recently we have entered into a time when our numbed and despairing hearts are getting nourished with a direct, clear and honest appraisal of the situation the USA and world is currently facing coupled with both intelligence and empathetic resonance. I find the combination both disarming as well as inspiring. The tide of distrust and cynicism is turning. I see first an emergence of curiosity then hope in the faces of people. It is a new possibility that those in power can use authority to support the health and well-being of the people they lead, attempting to include everyone.

We are being asked to participate in the transformation of our society. We are being called to act as if goodness prevails coupling intelligence with core values and find ways of living in accordance with that truth. It begs the question, where do we go from here?

Taking this to heart, the greatest strength comes from the clearest seeing and then acting. As people aspiring to awaken, this time in history is calling for a careful re-appraisal of our values and the structures that both support and embody them, evaluating if they serve their intended purpose of non-harm, compassion and awakening. It is a time to consider how awakening can translate into the world around us. This is a time when kindness and respect need to move into ways of being and living that extend to everyone.

What would happen if we take this aspiration to heart and look deeply within the privacy of our own minds at the places where there is room for more honesty? W hat would happen if the commitment to non-harming is taken so seriously that any infringement is considered a source of inner conflict? What would happen if the dedication and courage to end suffering is developed so that it is greater than the tendencies that create suffering?

This is a time when core values and integrity at every level need to be reaffirmed and supported in our own lives, within our families and within community. Ways that harm need to be seen for what they are and dismantled. Skills are needed to navigate the negative emotions that arise and override our aspirations. What we do and say and how we relate make a difference. Starting from where we are, moving one step at a time, there is a path towards peace.

All are called. Do you choose to participate and if so how?

The following are a few suggestions of things that we can do:
Please feel welcome to add to the list.

☼ Make a determination to apologize any time you regret actions or speech that you have made.
☼ Consider internal signals when you are not being as honest as you value.
☼ Have a neighborhood meeting and find ways of supporting each other.
☼ Consider ways of simplifying your lifestyle and making better use of the recourses you use often.